Almosts

I have never feared big words only those who refused to use them

And those words rolled off your tongue like honey

I was hooked

Language became our way of communication

And I know that everyone uses language to communicate

But ours was different

As if in between the letters and the words there was a secret message which only we could decipherer

My days were filled with the sound of your voice

And your nights were littered with the loops of my hand writing

We exchanged our favorite words, mine being illuminating and your being eternity

And our least favorite, mine moist and yours almost and when I asked you why you said because 

Almost had failed potential

That it represented our ability to just not be good enough

That we had come to the brink of something beautiful, but felt short so many times, we crafted a word for it

But even we with our supposedly mastery of the English language were not immuned to the short coming of our vocabularies

Words can only help you if you speak them

I never told you that I loved you

You never told me that you were dying

Five easy words that would have shattered our world

I love you I think, I have a brain tumor

You know still to this day I do not know the details

Because medical jargin has never fit right in my mouth

And even now five years later it feels like an invasion of your privacy

But I do know I have poured over our conversations searching for the secret message that you certainly tried to send me

And I am sorry! But I only almost found it.

Salt water is not good for paper and my tears worked your words

After come serious consideration I decided to change my least favorite word, because while moist is gross, malignant is malicious!

Malignant is uncontrollable means a phone call and the phrase he didn’t wake up

Malignant is messy and unfair and a thief

Malignant means I never got to say good bye

Malignant is the cause of almost,

Because you were on the brink of something beautiful,

But you couldn’t quite reach it and you fell too far.

I am so sorry I wasn’t there to catch you

I hope your heaven is a library

And I hope it is void of almosts