Missing You

Dear Grandma,
out of sight, they say is out of mind. That's not true.it's been 10years since you have gone, losing your fight to cancer. your place at the dining table wears a vacant look that's hard to come to terms wit. It will stay that way i know, because some memories don't fade.They outlive the boundaries of time and space to become real.

It's that time of the year when the family plans for your birthday, and nothing's changed it seems. we know the surprise element that we used plan so meticulously each year will be lost on us this time. where do we hold our secret meetings where you won't see us ? wherever we are ,we know you that you are watching us supportively.

As we celebrate your life quietly, without the cake or the fanfare, we know the memory of your smiling face is for real. you are there, taking your seat at the dining table, talking, laughing, sharing with us your joie de vivre.

In my moments of confusion and righteous indignation at the feelings surrounding me. I hear a voice, still and calm, reminding me as you always did,"if you strive to be better, the world around you becomes better". i always know you are there. out of sight perhaps, but not gone away forever.
Nothing has changed.death has taken you away, but you live in my treasure of memories, the same as before. i discovered that memories are not just lifeless thoughts drifting in my head.but they come alive and take the sting out of death. I thought death was final, but i am now learning that it is just another among many milestones we cross in life.

As you can see, everything at home is going well, the way you would like it to be. every time , every place, every moment i wish you were here.but we are learning to be in control of things , as you always were. And at the same time letting go of things that is beyond our capability and understanding.
November is special, your birthday is this month. it's bitter-sweet now, as we celebrate your life double-fold. November is when death took you away. you are gone, but you live - the same as before - in our memories.But I have a niggling problem though. while i wish you on your birthday, shall i say happy anniversary on your tenth death anniversary? because your life will always be a celebration for us.

this ones for you Nani,

 If tears could build a stairway,
and memories a lane.
I would walk right up to Heaven
and bring you back again.

No farewell words were spoken,
No time to say "Goodbye".
You were gone before I knew it,
and only God knows why.

My heart still aches with sadness,
and secret tears still flow.
What it meant to love you -
No one can ever know.

But now I know you want me
to mourn for you no more;
To remember all the happy times
life still has much in store.

Since you'll never be forgotten,
I pledge to you today~
A hollowed place within my heart
is where you'll always stay.

Your loving grand-daughter,

Dia