28 Things You've Done Instead Of Studying.

1. Procrastination.

2. Resting in your bed (which has gotten extra comfy all of a sudden.)

3. Shows. (Are you caught up on your shows?!)

4. Comforting friends who are having study-crises.

5. Shamelessly stalk everyone you know on Facebook.

6. Cultivating skills you don’t have.

7. Scrolling through tumblr. Infinitely.

8. Beating your high score in every game ever.

 9. Trying all the Pinterest things. 

 Created a million new, unnecessary Pinterest boards. In reality, Pinterest could be condensed into two categories: stuff you’ll never wind up actually crafting, and stuff you’ll never actually wind up cooking, but who cares? You’ve pinned so many Vera Wang gowns onto your new secret wedding board that at this point you’ve forgotten you’re single. 

10. Thinking about the vast terror of the future.

11. Cleaning.
 It needs to happen, ASAP.

12. Online shopping therapy. 
Gotten most of your holiday shopping done online. You started out by browsing as a quick study break, but now you’ve gotten almost taken care of everything on your shopping list.

13. SURPRISE NAPPING!

14.Food.

15. You get an idea: you can prepare to start studying. Make flashcards!

16. Realizing that if you’re really going to do this, you need coffee.

17. Somehow ending up on YouTube and HOW ARE PEOPLE SO GOOD AT PING PONG?!

18. Pack for your trip home, even though you don’t leave for another five days. 

19. Unpack because you realize you hate every single piece of clothing you’ve put into your suitcases. 

20. Laundry.
 All of your laundry is done. You’ve actually folded everything and put it away for once, too.

21.Instagram.
Spent three hours in a deep, downward spiral on Instagram.
All you wanted to do was check your newsfeed, but then you came across that pretty, kind of boring girl who graduated from your high school. She is now looks like a supermodel, is married and lives in some gorgeous house, documenting her perfect little life one filtered picture at a time.

22. Called your mom. She is anxiously awaiting your return so you two can lunch and shop together.

23.  Gotten a quick mani-pedi.
Obviously the reason you couldn’t focus on anything academic was because you were too busy worrying about the state of your cuticles. Plus, your Lincoln Park After Dark pedicure was way too dark to be considered festive. (Side note, I’m LOVING “The Spy Who Loved Me” right now. It’s red and glittery.)

24. Skyped with your high school bestie, who has also been avoiding studying like it has calories.

25. Create Playlists.
Created so many “study playlists” that you’re convinced you might have actually opened a book, when in reality, you’ve just created the perfect blend of background music for your theoretical reading and note-taking.

26. The Library.
 Decided the only way you’d actually get anything done is by leaving the house and heading to the library. Unfortunately, there is a good chance that every single girl you’ve made out with while intoxicated this semester is there studying too, so you took a minute to put yourself together. You finally achieve a look that says, “I’m hot, but I don’t even care because I’m so focused on my grades,” after 45 minutes.

 27. Spent 20 minutes finding a place to sit at the library that isn’t too close to other people, but still allows you and your besties to get a good view of the hot peeps. 

28.  Realized the odds of you actually FAILING a course don’t exist.
You’re probably going to be fine tomorrow, and worst case scenario, you’re not. C’s get degrees, after all, and the only super smart girl who’s ever been successful is Liz Lemon and nobody likes her. After this epiphany, you realize you still have a solid 4 hours until your 'focus' wears off, so back to Pinterest you go.

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Likes

Most women are more sensitive about their looks than their feelings. Criticize how she looks and you risk hurting her. And how do you measure her sensitivity? It’s simple, just try clicking her pic. Slowly take out your camera, aim and wait for the miraculous transformation. 

Watch her eyes turn into pellucid pools of kindness, prepare to get blinded by her dazzling smile. But not before she flips her hair, turns her face 45 degrees north (her best angle), pinches her cheeks and smiles her mysterious smile. The one that makes her look like Monalisa.

Even better than Monalisa

You see, she wants the world to see what she sees in the mirror.

Candid clicks are a big no and you can’t get away with just one shot. You are expected to click her again and again from different angles. It’s not because she doesn’t trust you. Experience and many ugly mugshots have taught her that you and your camera take time to warm up to her loveliness. So, she is willing to say cheese 17 times, just for the sake of a priceless capture. The one she can proudly show to her grandkids, when she gets old and wrinkled. Then she will grandly inspect all the shots you took and make you promise to delete the unflattering ones. If you don’t, you risk her wrath. If you upload it on Facebook, you risk getting killed. 

 

This is a strict no-no 

We women have a secret pact – thou shalt not tag/upload any ugly shots of ours. The moment a friend takes out her mobile and aims, we exchange that secret look. “You will make me look the diva that I really am”. Photos that inadvertently capture Christmas indulgences spilling out of our jeans or make us look like a hungry hippopotamus, are meant live happily ever after in the recycle bin.

Since most photos are clicked for the sake of Facebook, we make sure each one of us is informed once they have been uploaded. And then we wait for the comments to follow. Look aghast when only 15 friends like it. Pretend to blush when someone gushes about how we look.

In my distorted opinion, we women spend 33.3% of their lives complimenting each other about our looks. 

One look at a new profile pic on a social networking site and you’ll know what I’m talking about. Out of the 55 comments she gets, 49 will be from her girlfriends – Ooo, you gorgeous thing! Again there’s a secret pact. In a parallel universe it’s called reciprocity. You praise me and I will praise you back – get it? 

I blame social networking sites. Before Facebook, we’d quietly click a few dozen pics of us frolicking in Gulmarg, stick them inside an album with a floral cover, wait for relatives to come over and pounce on them. They’d leaf through the albums, sip Rooh Afza and make a few appreciative noises. That was it. To be called beautiful, we had to solely rely on the free services provided by roadside Romeos. Of course, verbally challenged Kamal Kumar could only express his appreciation by whistling. And that was perfectly okay!

And now thanks to our 567 online friends, who spend all their waking hours waiting to like you and your pics, how can you not believe that you are God’s gift to mankind?

Men seem to be under the impression that we dress up for them. Let me roll on the floor laughing before I shout – you are so wrong! Nope, we dress up for other femmes. Only a woman is capable of noticing the finer nuances of our appearance – the all new plum shade of lipstick, the perfectly tailored trouser that sits so flatteringly on our bum, the brand new clunky watch! And it takes us exactly 10 seconds before we furnish this appraisal. Now turn towards your man and all he will be able to muster is – looking nice, babe! We try our best not look affronted and smile painfully. Yes, it hurts to be called nice. It hurts more if someone calls you cute and it hurts the most when someone has the audacity to suggest – Erm! You look better in your photographs.

No one wants to be caught like that 

Try saying that and you will be hurled out like yesterday’s chapatis.

It’s because all of us would like to believe, that we are prettier and slimmer than our pics. But if you want to risk lifelong affection from us, try looking for our inner beauty. We are suckers for men who appreciate us for the person we are.