I’ve noticed something very baffling.
When I compliment people, they think I am saying nice
things just to make them feel good- by massaging their ego. In the
first place, if you know me at all, you’d know that I hate- yes hate-
the word nice. I don’t do nice. I feel like throwing it in boiling oil and them stamping it to death again once it is charred beyond recognition.
When I compliment you, I compliment myself, because I am who I associate with. ― Jarod Kintz
In the second place, you are wrong. Ego is too wily a
thing to massage. I wouldn’t touch it with a ten foot pole. Besides, it
is boring.
The impression I get from people’s reaction is that I am a Pollyanna (an excessively cheerful or optimistic person) with a strong inclination towards people pleasing
and a sizable dose of absolute cluelessness thrown in for good measure.
My dear friend, if I weren’t so amused by your miscalculated
assessment, I should be very angry! I might even (rudely) declare that
you have mouldy rocks in your empty skull!
In all honesty though, I cannot deny the Pollyanna accusation. I am an unabashed and unapologetic Pollyanna.
I think there is goodness and all things good round every corner and in
all the space between one corner and the next. Sometimes I try to
pretend that goodness doesn’t rain from the skies nor slide down the
rays of the sun in rollicking abandon, but I know it is a lost cause
even before I begin. Pretensions don’t last. Truth will out, eventually.
I
was very pleased with your kind letter. Until now I never dreamed of
being something like a hero. But since you’ve given me the nomination I
feel that I am one. ― Albert Einstein
(Aside: I will be using the pronoun ‘you’ in the
rest of the piece. It is being used to refer to that dumb nut standing
over there… not YOU. Despite this, if you choose to feel offended, you
have my blessings.)
When I pay you a compliment, it is because I genuinely think there is something worth appreciating in you. I am incapable of people pleasing. I couldn’t massage an ego to please a my own grandmother. Told you I wasn’t a people pleaser,
didn’t I? Grandmothers are people too, in case you didn’t know.
Moreover, I don't like my grandmother. So there!
No but seriously, what is it that frightens you about
my compliments? Do you think it an advance contingent (in the nature of
an smelly lubricant) to announce an unreasonable demand? Do you think I
am pumping you full of hot air so that you won’t notice that you are
floating away to some dungeon where I will stick lighted candles between
your toes before pulling out your finger nails to persuade you to sign
away your two rusted cents to me? Like, really dude?
Or is your trepidation indicative of a deeper malady, hey?
I felt like everyone’s second choice, which is why a compliment could catch me off guard. ― Sonia Sotomayor
Are you frightened of my commendation because the
experience is new to you? Is it because you have lived in an environment
of such debilitating and virulent criticism that you cannot believe a
word of sincere praise?
By suspecting me of ulterior motives, do you know the
statement you are making about your own person? You are declaring that
in your eyes your are unworthy of admiration and approval. Is that what
you want to wear on your sleeve? Doesn’t seem frightfully cool to me,
you know what I’m sayin’ hon?
I will not deny that there are people who have, let
us say, a natural talent for sycophancy. They flatter and sweet- talk
even when they have nothing to gain, no axe to grind. Frankly, I can’t
imagine such pointless corruption. Sell your soul if you must but at
least get a pork chop in return! And then for you to suspect me of it!
Oh, please!
I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel they have not said enough. ― Mark Twain
To assume that everyone who pays you a compliment is a
sycophant- with out without an axe to grind, doesn’t serve you. It
might be true one out of ten times. To skewer your world view to
accommodate as rare an aberration as that hardly seems worth the
trouble. The only thing you will accomplish will be to find crookedness
in absolutely straight nine people out of ten.
To accommodate one bad apple (when, if it is
there), should I throw away nine perfectly good ones? Don’t do the
math. I did it and I had to be put in a padded cell for a year. Just
take my word for it and desist from turning up every flat rock you
encounter. Nine of them don’t have creepy crawly slugs under them. And
who cares about the tenth? Not you. And this time I mean YOU, not the
dumb nut standing over there. Er…. yes.
I have also noticed something else.
(Aside: I am again using the pronoun ‘you’ with the same disclaimer (and blessing) applicable as in the Aside above.)
Why do you clam up like a stuffed frog when you
admire someone? Why can’t you (wo)man up and tell some poor struggling
soul that you think they are the best thing you’ve met in a month of
Sundays? Is it such a hardship pour a sip of this life- giving elixir
down a languishing, thirsty throat?
It is never ridicule, but a compliment, that knocks a philosopher off his feet. He is already positioned for every possible counter-attack, counter-argument, and retort…only to find a big bear hug coming his way. ― CrissJami
Do you know what happens to all the compliments that
you hoard to your chest like a parsimonious blood- sucker? They turn
into screaming banshees and throw you from the top of Qutub Minaar (take
a pick from Eiffel Tower, Burj Khalifa, Empire State Building, Shanghai
World Financial Center et al depending on your current location and
stop distracting me dammit! I have work to do here!!).
Yes, they throw you from a height with nary a safety
net and laugh (duly screaming) derisively while you tick off the seconds
to setting new world records in plastering yourself on the pavement in
the most artistic fashion. They do (throw you), trust me. And that, is
not be a pretty sight. There will hardly be anything left of you to
scrape up. I shouldn’t be surprised if you leave room in a teaspoon!
Collect compliments with thankfulness, grace and joy;
distribute them with benevolence and pleasure. Let them move around you
as light as air. Aid their circulation with a free hand.
A compliment or two makes the world such a happy place, right?
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