"Cry as I may these tears won’t wash you away," it was the note that was left in my locker by one of the gullible girls who thought they could manage to make me fall in love with them. The letter itself was very congruous to the ones that the other girls that I have once dated left, and maybe if they didn't have a dearth of skepticism they would not have taken to rumors about me for granted.

 "It's amazing how someone can break your heart and you can still love them with all the little pieces," ugh ! why is she trying to make me feel bad? Seriously! They were the ones who asked me out! I never once promised them anything in return and yet they all demanded more from me.

"What happens when he's your prince charming, but you're not his Cinderella," this note was really getting on my last nerves. What was with this girl, and all her depressing love quotes? I know she can find someone better!

“When you're in love and you get hurt, it's like a cut, it will heal with time but the scars will never fade, you will always have a piece of my heart... I miss you more than you'll ever know, Tia," finally the note was over, so I crumpled it up and threw it away.

   I hope Tia finds happiness, even if I'm not the one to provide it to her. I felt a tear slip out of the corner of my left eye. Knowing that I have hurt someone else made me feel grim, when will I ever be able to return the love that was bestowed upon me? Was I cursed to hurt people who honestly cared about me in High School?

~~~  

I witnessed the whole scene play out in front of me. Oliver cried? Why? He was the rumored heart breaker, whom girls couldn't help but fall in love with. A typical rebel, but one who was secretly smart, (he was the second of our class, top for the guys, because no one could beat Ashlyn) girls always flocked around him, begging him to date them, and he never turned anyone down. However, it never lasted over a week with anyone. On the seventh day of dating someone he always broke up with them, not showing the slightest amount of remorse.

Then why were his hazel eyes filled with such furtive pain? Was he really the person I thought he was? Does that mean the rumors weren't true? There was only one way to find out what kind of person he was... and that was to date him and find out for myself.

  I, True Harmony, will find if he was really a bad person, because I can not stand to see such beautiful eyes in such pain.

~~~

“Dear Oliver, please go out with me, Love <3 True Harmony,” I burst out with frivolous laughter. True Harmony? What kind of name was that? What kind of person was she? Shouldn't she know better than to go out with me! Girls are gullible, always falling for looks. However, I can't say no, it's against my policy to never turn anyone down unless I had a girlfriend.

“Okay,” I left my one word response in her locker.

~~~

“Yes!”

“What is it True,” asked my best friend Ashlyn.

 

I'm dating Oliver

“What!? Is that really a good thing? He is a womanizer after all!”

 

“But I think he is deeper than that,” I muttered.

“Well he is stunning, if your into that whole bad boy thing,” Ashlyn pondered.

He was just that with messy, bed-head sandy brown hair, and very passionate hazel eyes. Not to mention he towered over the majority of the students with his bewildering height, but he also seemed like someone I could relate to. Someone who was quiet, and unable to fall in love with just anyone.

“I'm not going to speak to him for seven days,” I said.

“What? But after seven days he always breaks up with his girlfriend!”

“I know, but I'm afraid if I talk to him face to face I'll fall for him.”

“Hellooo... I thought you already liked him!”

“I do, but I don't want him to know that I love him, yet,” I muttered.

“So how will you talk to him,” Ashlyn asked.
 

“Love Letters.”

~~~

The first letter from True showed up the second day we started dating. It read:

Dear Oliver,

I know I'm far to much of a coward to look you in the eyes and tell you how I feel about you. After all I know that after seven days you will probably forget all about me, and looking into your eyes will only make that day hurt more. I used to think you were a heartless player, but then I learned that you and I are much the same... We are both looking for love but unable to find it, well I guess now I'm different from you because I fell for you. I know deep down you are kind and caring person so I hope one day you will care for someone as much as I care for you, even if I am not that person. I want you to know my feelings for you, and I will constantly remind you of these feelings for the week we date. So please reply to this letter.

With devotion,

True Harmony

~~~

I never encountered this before. Kind person, me? She must be thinking of someone else. This girl must be really willful. However, I decided to humor her and picked up a pen...

~~~

Oliver left a note in my locker the next day, it read as follows:

True Harmony,

You must have some warped parents to get a name like that. I appreciate your honesty, but if by the end of this week I cannot return your feelings I will move on. You may think I'm a kind person but I must contradict you, I after all am quite the opposite of that. I do however, want to meet you face to face before the seven days come to an end. Please tell me what kind of person you are.

Oliver.

I replied.

~~~

Her second letter came on the third day, soon after my letter, it read:  

Oliver,  

Your curiosity makes me so happy! When I read you letter my heart skipped a beat. See you are a caring person! You didn't have to write back but you did! My name True Harmony is because my parents were composers of music, my dad plays the violin, and my mom was a piano composer until she passed away when I was eight. Well I guess I can be describes as a stubborn person, well thats what Ashlyn says, she's my best friend! I am the kind of person who finds it easier to convey my feelings when people are not around to see them, but I really want to know about you too! Why do you only date girls for seven days? 

True Harmony.

No one ever asked me why I only dated girls for seven days before.  
~~~
 His letter arrived on the fourth day.  

True,  

You are actually the first person who ever asked me that, and the answer is because of my big sister Miranda. She passed away five years ago when I was eleven. She wanted me to fall in love and be happy and she told me, “You know it's love, if you can fall in love in seven days,” because she fell in love with her true love in seven days. He died, and she committed suicide. I never told anyone this before. I feel safe telling you personal things. You remind me of Miranda she was really stubborn too. Although, she was a bully, but I don't think your like that. In fact I think you a good person, and I think I may actually end up falling for you.  

Oliver  

Does that mean he likes me? 

That was the last letter I got until the seventh day.

~~~
 I never had this feeling for anyone that was besides the people I shared blood relations with. Was it love? Did I love True? I felt such a strong connection to her. It was day seven, but I was doubtful if I wanted to break up with her of not. Did I love her? How was this possible I never even met her face to face. I decided to send her one more letter. It was short and to the point.  

True,

I need to meet you face to face. Meet me at the Cafe on the corner of First Street and Lincoln Drive. Don't worry I don't want to see you so we can break up. I want to meet you and continue to date. Write back.  

 Oliver

~~~
  I was ecstatic! I was going to date him! Was this possible? What should I wear? How should I do my make up? I was so happy I almost forgot to write back.  

“Ashlyn! ! I'm dating Oliver! He told me he's not going to break up with me!”

“That's great True, but don't shout so loud you don't know who can be eavesdropping,”

Ashlyn whispered.

“We have a date at the Cafe on the corner of First Street today,” I was so happy I couldn't even control the rigor of my voice! Later I wish I had.

“Well be sure to tell him your coming,” Ashlyn muttered.

Dear Oliver,

I am overjoyed! My heart won't stop racing! I can finally say it I love you! I have loved you since the first time I saw you. I will defiantly come and see you.

True Harmony
 

~~~
 I saw her cross the street. The way she looked at me confirmed it was her. She had really long and pretty, curly, black hair that went down to the small of her back, and elegant features that made her look like royalty. So this is True. 


She really was pretty.  

She made it across the street and walked up to my table, with a slight blush on her pale cheeks, and when she stood directly in front of me she stammered in such an adorable way I really wanted to hug her.  

“Hi... I'm True... We wrote letters together....”  

“Yes, I know who you are, you are the girl who made me fall for her.”  

  

She blushed a deep crimson color.  

“OLIVER HOW COULD YOU,” a shrill shriek made my head pivot around. It was Tia.

Whose heart I broke.  

“Tia I'm sorry I wasn't able to love you, but I met someone I could love.”

“SO YOU FIND IT FUNNY TO PLAY WITH GIRLS FEELINGS? WAS I JUST A TOY!? I EARNESTLY LOVED YOU! HOW COULD YOU?”  

She stumbled towards me, and I could smell the rank scent of alcohol on her breath.  

“OLIVER YOU WILL REGRET HURTING ME!”  

 

“Tia, stop it,” it was True who spoke.

“SHUT UP OR I'LL KILL YOU!”  

Tia reached into her pocket, pulled out a gun, and pointed it at True.

 

“TIA STOP,” I ordered.  

“IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU NO ONE CAN!”  

BANG.  

Sharp pain.  

An angel's scream.  

Darkness.

~~~
 It has been six months since the funeral. Six months since I lost the person I thought I could spent my life with. Six months since Tia was sent to jail. Six months since I regretted talking so loudly to Ashlyn about our date Six months since I felt anything other then remorse. Six months since the police gave me one last love letter.  

My Dearest True,

I love you. You are my first and only love. I want to spend time with you and make you happy, but I know I can't. I'm too afraid to lose you, like I lost everybody else I loved. “When you are in love and you get hurt, it’s like a cut... it will heal, but there will always be a scar,” someone who loved me ones said this. You made the scar of my sister's death disappear. I know that you will object and say you want to be with me, but I'm not breaking up with you.

I'm asking you to wait. Wait until I become a person worthy of you. I will always be there for you, but I want to treat you like a treasure, I want to support you the way you supported me. Please say you will wait for me my precious True. I want to become the perfect person you can be with. I write this with the hopes that we will one day have a life together, and also because I am to much of a coward to say these words, so I must write them. I want you to have all of my heart.  

 Love,  

Oliver  

“When you are in love and you get hurt, it’s like a cut... it will heal, but there will always be a scar,” Oliver told me this, but I know that some wounds were never meant to heal.

Happiness is an elusive bitch.

The human mind works in mysterious ways. It constantly yearns for things that will make it happy. And when it finally gets what it wants, the mind moves on to the next best thing. When we are home, we yearn to travel. When we travel, we yearn for the familiarity of our bed. When we are young, we hanker for the One to settle down with and spend the rest of our lives, happily ever after. In the happily -ever -after phase, we want to be untethered to experience the life we gave up at the altar of love. 

There’s something very unromantic about possession. The hunt is always more exciting than the kill. As long as it adorns a show-window, somebody else’s arms, is on somebody else’s bed – our heart desires and obsesses over it. Life becomes a series of ifs. If I get this promotion, I will have a better sense of self-worth. If I get that woman, I will truly be happy. If I get that dress, I will look beautiful. But it doesn’t work that way, does it! Your mind continues looking for excuses to be content and happiness continues to be an elusive bitch. 

The woman of your dreams turns out to be an attention seeking shrew who leaves you drained with her constant demands. That promotion turns out be a nightmare and you realize you don’t have time for your family anymore.

 

Picture Courtesy : Google Images

Familiarity turns even the most beautiful into the ordinary. What looked like the Garden of Eden from a distance turns out to be just a grassy patch with a lone apple tree.

We start taking the splendor, the excitement for granted. The euphoria of getting what you always wanted lasts a few months before we start getting used to it.

Getting used to, is the worst thing that can happen to us. Taking her kindness, his unflinching friendship, her love for granted. Sadly, the only time we realize how much it meant to us is when we are about to lose it.

The thought of letting go brings out the worst in us. We cling, we claw, we threaten, we beg, we dissolve into tears. We become pathetic versions of ourselves.

Isn’t it why, happiness lies only in the past and future, while the present is just a chore to be dispensed with! We realize the magic of the moment, only when we consign it to our memories. Nostalgia is a seductive mistress. It’s tough to let go of her.

No wonder, happiness continues to elude us. It’s because we make a habit of it and then start complaining of boredom. Happiness is not a milestone to be covered. It’s savoring what we have been blessed with.The truth is, there is no ideal man, love or life –it’s what we make of what we get.

Ideal is a state of mind and not material things.

To a Sklylark: “We look before and after, and pine for what is not; our sincerest laughter with some pain is fraught” - Shelley

Butt wait!

Ever since man stood straight, built a fire and made the wheel, women have been asking him a question; even after centuries of interrogation, he has yet to come up with a satisfactory answer. She cajoles, she pleads. He clears his throat and makes polite noises. She insists but he dare not tell her the truth.

How many times has your girl asked you if she looks fat in that dress? And how many times have you lied glibly and said – “Fat? Are you kidding me?" and fell down laughing. Even if she looks big enough to cause a lunar eclipse!

But men can’t help lying, can they? They know from bitter experience that the truth will cost them their head!

With evolution men folk have learnt that she doesn’t mean what she says. Of course she knows the truth! She has a mirror, a measuring tape and a pair of jeans that doesn’t fit her anymore. What she really wants to know is – Darling, do you love me, despite of me being fat! Do you still think she’s the goddess, she once was?

It’s never only about the weight; it’s also about her butt!

Women have it bad. We love to eat but would rather starve. We’ll huff and puff on treadmill, fold ourselves in half in the yoga class, yet the weighing scale needle will refuse to budge. Imagine the torture of seeing your man gorge on scoops of ice-creams while you chew on multigrain khakras! But you are human aren’t you? How long can you deprive yourself! You fantasize about it, day and night. You agonize over your dilemma – should I – should I not? And there comes a day, when you cannot take it anymore and succumb. As you sink your teeth in that delicious chunk of gooey chocolate cake, you sigh. Gosh! This feels so good. But your mind is screaming – Stop! Run! There’s still time! But you can’t and before you realize it, you have gobbled up three slices. You lick your lips and let out a small burp.

Now you can’t get rid of the guilt. Damn you woman! Whatever happened to your will power! I have sinned and now I’ll have to pay.And guess what, you end up paying a “heavy” price! That butter, the wheat flour, the whipped cream, all that sugar and chocolate, felt so at home in your body that they are now clinging to your butt.

Butt wait! It’s not always the posterior. It depends on whether you are an orange, an apple or pear. Fat spreads itself evenly in an orange, just like a well buttered toast. If you are an apple, it makes you a 38D and you have to bear with men having intense conversation with your boobs. And the pear is just about to bid adieu to the fatty deposits, till those pesky things discover her butt.

Imagine being compared to a fruit! And to add insult to injury is that skinny friend of yours, who eats like a horse and looks like a French bean. You are tempted to do an Amitabh Bachchan in Deewar, go to a mandir, cling to the ghanti and demand insaaf.

Science tells me my body stores fat for the sake of my child bearing hips. Excuse me! But I fail to see any connection! And you though it’s every girl’s dream to find the perfect guy. Bullshit! Her dream is to eat everything without getting fat. And don’t you try pacifying her with – I just love your childbearing hips. 

 

Picture Courtesy: Aunty Acid